organised a gathering for the choir people last sunday. there were about 16 of us at my condo's function room that night. i had some help from siewying, hewlett and cherie with our mexican dinner! glad that it didn't turn out too bad. felt like we were feeding the 5000 with two loaves and five fishes when the food seem to be running out fast at the beginning of the gathering...thankfully, we had popcorn, chocolate and marble cake for after-dinner treats. the last time we met was during my 21st birthday. it was good to see everyone again after so long.

we sat around a square made by placing two tables next to each other. the guys, as chatty as before, sat on one side of the tables, and the girls caught up with one another on the other side. i sat and looked around for a while as everyone was engaged in their conversations. it has always been so easy for us to warm up to each other...as we finished up dinner and started on the snacks, we took turns to share about what we have been doing and what we will be doing in the coming months. somehow the sharing just flowed naturally, we asked the person who was sharing questions, some talked about what they have learnt from their jobs or an activity or making some decisions in life. the guys cracked jokes in between, but we were listening and paying attention to one another and all. it was a really enjoyable time. after that round, i returned the yellow cards which each choir member wrote their hopes for choir in 2007. it was meant to be given out in 2008 at the end of our choir term! to think i've kept them with me till now...! we went one round the group again, reflecting upon our time in choir and after that...i don't think we've had a session like this before and we hardly take turns to share in our past gatherings. so it felt really special (:

the hwa chong choir experience is something incomparable. most of us had given our school life to choir, our time, our hearts, our tears. the feelings are unspoken, but you know somehow everyone feels the same way. i hadn't spent a lot of time serving in church during my two years in jc. looking back, i don't think i regret it. i found my place for those two years among a group of good and faithful people. i did learn so much about singing, about working in a committee, about friendships, about God. knowing that my time with the choir has been fruitful and meaningful, unforgettable and enjoyable, i guess, it's easier to let go of it when God calls me to serve in other places now. we all have our own paths to walk now, we may not be physically meeting as often in the future, however i believe the relationships are still held together the same spirit. it's okay if someone is busier, it's okay if someone goes away for a few years, it's okay if someone is not singing in a choir anymore (i'm sure the old flame will come back to find us one day. haha), because there's always that special spot that we can come back to, to laugh at the same things or people, to talk about the same events, to sing the same songs...i may sound idealistic, but i'll hang on to that thought for as long as i'll believe in singing (:

i think my term as welfare RM, will continue to run...no doubt about that (:

A sharing on my 2:7 page:

"Recently God has been teaching me about trusting Him to be my All in all. Been reading the last few chapters of Crazy Love and a bit of the Pilgrim's Progress, hearing sharings from people here and there, while praying about how to spend my time during the holidays/looking for work etc. I wanted to look for work because I have been spending a lot over the past month since the holidays started and honestly, I was getting concerned about my bank account ahaha. But somehow God is trying to change my perspective of things and to know what it means to truly depend on God. We are so used to how the world functions, because we live in this world. But we ought to see things in the Kingdom's perspective. I know that life is so much more that what it can be now, but how much am I really living that out? I realised I was too caught up in wanting to earn money rather than spending my time well for God. Was I really honouring God in my time, or was I rather serving mammon? Well, I am still here, without work, and an idea came into my head a few days back: why not do some volunteering work over the next two months? Even though it has been one whole month of holiday already, somehow my time has been pretty well filled up - meeting friends, spending time with God in the morning, celebrating birthdays, serving in many areas - this is Life in Jesus Christ, to live and spend time with the people He loves (thats everybody) and to serve Him. Like JQ mention: to give our all to God and leave the outcome to Him. I wouldn't say I have been able to fully grasp it yet and decide whether to do volunteering work in the next two months, but I know God has tons to teach me."

on the same day i wrote this, i got a small job opportunity. i wasn't sure what it entailed except what was described on the phone. so i went down in the afternoon for the presentation and short training. it sounded good, i deliberated for a while and eventually signed up for it. the moment i signed the papers and handed in to the person, there was this unrest. though i managed to ask a number of questions to clarify certain procedures, my heart was still unsettled. i'm not sure what this means, could it be something that i wasn't supposed to do or had i shifted my focus to the wrong place again? i couldn't concentrate during prayer that night, even though i was listening to the prayers. i wanted to pray. i didn't want to pray. how quick the mind flutters away from Him, how quick my mind flutters away from Him. my unrest consumes my attention most of the time and i dislike it when that happens.

thus, time to seek God.

Lord, i need to hear Your voice constantly, i need clarity.

readalittlepoetry.wordpress.com

quoted in the writer's about section: "A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

went to kids club to help out a bit yesterday. expected the kids to behave the way they do, not sitting still, some noisy, some playful and being really enthusiastic in the things that they do. one of the little boys was misbehaving, disrupting the lessons a little, so an adult pulled him aside to talk to him. he came back to his seat, quiet and unsmiling, unlike what he was 5 minutes ago. somehow, i found myself sitting next to him. i asked him some questions, hoping that they'll be encouraging and give him some attention. he responded with nods at the beginning but started to ignore me when he was not being chosen to answer the questions asked by the teacher in front after raising his hands a few times. after the lesson ended, he ran to the front towards the snacks with the rest of the kids and soon was talking and smiling again. some thoughts ran through my mind. i haven't really had a lot of chance talking to kids, so i always felt that i had an issue interacting with them or was unsure how to react to them. then again, it does take some for some children to warm up to you and i could be thinking too much about it anyway... towards the end of the whole session, i got to talk to some of the little girls, perhaps because they were girls, it was easier to talk to them and easier to have them being comfortable with my arm around their shoulders. chatted with ms and c a little before i left. i'm glad joined them, helping and seeing the children and knowing at least i got to connect with some of the them.

it took me awhile to fall asleep last night. i was thinking of some things and started thinking about the children i met that afternoon. then, this conclusion came to me: that it's not easy to love someone who doesn't treat you the way you want or expect them to or someone who rejects/ignores you (like the little boy). and it always seems easier to love somebody who accepts you readily (like the little girls). But i guess, nevertheless, love shouldn't be different in either scenarios. Christ came to die for us and He was rejected and humiliated by the world. Yet His love for us never changed and never changes. Still abundant, still flowing. With this thought in mind, we ought to love the more 'difficult' people, people who seemingly reject you, with the same measure of love as or even more than those who love us back.

"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?" Matthew 5:43-47

A brother once mentioned that we should love the people (in that particular case it was a group we were reaching out to), love them, sincerely and honestly, until they ask why. It'll only be a matter of time before Christ will show Himself to them through us, if we allow Him to, with that constantly open channel of love.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 29:11,12