The Julie/Julia Project

I watched Julie & Julia today, because I decided to take a break this afternoon after a few days of chasing date lines and lack of sleep. To be honest, I was really inspired by the movie, not just to cook, but also to think about what I really want to do with my life. Or rather, to know what God had really made me for and where He wants me to be in my life.

Isn't the best thing to do is to be doing what you were really made for, to be at the place that you were really meant to be? I think that's where real joy can be found. I don't believe that a Christian is limited to doing something within the church or within conventional mission field. Or that doing full time should be a kind of higher-calling. I am not putting full-time staff down, I do believe that they are important in the church and prayerfully, each one has been led by the will of God. How much powerful our lives' testimony can be if we are so happy and so skilled at what we're doing. I would like to think that if God gave us a talent or gift, it would glorify Him if we pursue that excellence. Not with false modesty, not for self-gain/self-worth/self-satisfaction. For example, if God gave a person the gift to cook, and this person cooks to his best abilities, so that others could be blessed, so that others can see Christ's testimony, wouldn't God be glorified, wouldn't real joy flow through and consequentially flow to others too? Living the life of Christ doesn't mean we do Christian things, but rather be like Christ no matter what we do. So that whatever that we do, we can do it for the glory of God. Today, I really understood 1 Corinthians 10:13, that "whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." Our lives can absolutely be in the centre of God's will. Not only in church offices, or rural villages - even in kitchens, in school, in a store, in a cafe; whether you are singing, baking, painting, typing, teaching, leading, testing, operating...Isn't that such a wonderful thing! I realise I need to take a step back and reevaluate my life, to seriously pray and ask God what He has called me to do, what He has made me to do in this life, what can I do with my gifts. The run-of-the-mill/rat race/average kind of life is simply too much of a compromise, there's simply so much to lose if we live our lives as how others have lived or how the world tells us to live: get good grades, get a job, get a good salary, get a spouse, get a house, get a family, get a career, get a retirement plan...

"First I was dying to finish high school and start college
And then I was dying to finish college and start working
And I was dying to marry and have children
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could return to work
And then I was dying to retire
And now, I am dying...and suddenly realise I forgot to live"

- anonymous quote from Life Wide Open, David Jeremiah

It's never too late to start and get right with God. Here and now.

The Poet with His Face in His Hands

You want to cry aloud for your
mistakes. But to tell the truth the world
doesn’t need anymore of that sound.

So if you’re going to do it and can’t
stop yourself, if your pretty mouth can’t
hold it in, at least go by yourself across

the forty fields and the forty dark inclines
of rocks and water to the place where
the falls are flinging out their white sheets

like crazy, and there is a cave behind all that
jubilation and water fun and you can
stand there, under it, and roar all you

want and nothing will be disturbed; you can
drip with despair all afternoon and still,
on a green branch, its wings just lightly touched

by the passing foil of the water, the thrush,
puffing out its spotted breast, will sing
of the perfect, stone-hard beauty of everything.

(Mary Oliver)

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
in my selfishness, You show me Grace

For You know better than I
You know my way
I've let go the need to know why
'Cos You know better than I

My Soul Finds Rest (Psalm 52)

My soul finds rest in God alone
My Rock and my salvation
A fortress strong against my foes
And I will not be shaken.
Though lips may bless and hearts may curse
And lies like arrows pierce me
I’ll fix my heart on righteousness
I’ll look to Him who hears me

O praise Him, hallelujah
My Delight and my Reward
Everlasting, never failing
My Redeemer, my God.

Find rest, my soul, in God alone
Amid the world’s temptations
When evil seeks to take a hold
I’ll cling to my salvation.
Though riches come and riches go
Don’t set your heart upon them
The fields of hope in which I sow
Are harvested in heaven

O praise Him, hallelujah
My Delight and my Reward
Everlasting, never failing
My Redeemer, my God

I’ll set my gaze on God alone
And trust in Him completely
With every day pour out my soul
And He will prove His mercy
Though life is but a fleeting breath
A sigh too brief to measure
My King has crushed the curse of death
And I am His forever

O praise Him, hallelujah
My Delight and my Reward
Everlasting, never failing
My Redeemer, my God

O praise Him, hallelujah
My Delight and my Reward
Everlasting, never failing
My Redeemer, my God

[Aaron Keyes/Stuart Townend]

God, You are so good (:

sharing blessings with and being blessed by friends tonight,
love how music brings people, brings hearts together.

to rest in Your love

is to be in the safest and most peaceful place in the world,

it is the constant, infallible, unbreakable.

the unimaginable yet the greatest of all truths.

clarity is coming

Awakening

In our hearts Lord
In this nation
Awakening

Holy Spirit
We Desire
Awakening

For You and You alone
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing

For the world You love
Your will be done
Let Your will be done in me

In Your presence
In Your power
Awakening

For this moment
For this hour
Awakening

Like the rising sun that shines 
From the darkness comes a light 
I hear Your voice say 
This is my awakening 

Like the rising sun that shines 
Awake my soul 
Awake my soul to sing 

From the darkness comes a light 
Awake my soul 
Awake my soul to sing 

Only You can raise a life 
Awake my soul 
Awake my soul to sing

- Awakening, Chris Tomlin

yadotel batir rimaid amosleefem gnikam gnihtyre ves iyhw

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise

Now it all seems upside down

'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

Blessed are the ones who understand
We've got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You

And it all seems upside down

'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart


I don't know how long this will last
I'm praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me


My whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when
I find You when I fall apart

- Josh Wilson, Fall Apart

the battle within: the greater struggle

some reflections about church camp...

well, i didn't get that revival that i expected. i had felt dry and down and out during the past couple of weeks before church camp. perhaps i was drained from the tasks that were at hand. i felt like i was running on empty. i had watched a past church camp sermon (interestingly, the same bible story was expounded upon, albeit a different topic, during this church camp) and that happened to be a revival camp. my expectations went up after watching that video. maybe it was a desperate thought, having been feeling tired for a while. i decided to disconnect from all technology during the week, my phone only functioning as my clock and alarm. it was a struggle during the first two days of camp. it was easy to be enthusiastic in the ice-breaking games - always found it easy to get energy from the people around me. but when the hall turned quiet and the word of God was being spoken, my heart was almost cold. not against God, but just unmotivated. some people around me remarked how the first night's message spoke to them and all, but i was questioning why it hadn't done the same for me. it was even tougher worshiping God and i found myself getting more irritable. i wasn't sure what this meant...it was hard to talk to God and focus during my quiet time, even though i woke up earlier in the mornings.

jill came over to talk to me one afternoon and i asked her about the albatross girls and how they were doing. the floorball girls had been spending a great deal of time together and she praised God for the opportunities to know them better outside the training setting and minister to them. she mentioned how God had a plan for the camp, from the way the sermons were going heading. pastor heinze preached through the life of david about character - the giants in our lives, the caving in, anger, how we worship - which was an area that everyone could relate to, that could speak to individuals. i dawned on me that that was probably God's purpose for this camp, that God was here for these souls too. if the camp had been a revival, the many unsaved loved ones and friends who came would not have been reached during the messages. God has a plan and He would know what's best better than I do. things became clear to me and i was really humbled.

i wouldn't say that i fully picked up during the camp, but my heart was less heavy and regained strength to come back to God. i could worship Him again after that day. it was still a blessing to be able to go to camp, it being my first would make it special none the less. i'm glad i got the chance to know many people better, be it through serving in worship or praying together or sharing together. it's wonderful to have a week among God's people. by the end of camp, God was still working in my heart and soul, as He always has been. i was reminded in on sunday that God doesn't often get our attention with spectaculars or huge wowzas, but more often than not, He speaks to us in His still small voice. my mind was crowded with too many doubts and concerns and wants to hear Him during this whole period.

i'm still learning, still picking up,

and i know He'll never leave my side.

I say, right glad am I of this thing, and that for mine own sake and yours; I have sowed, and you have reaped; and the days is coming, when both he that soweth, and they that reap, shall rejoice together; that is, if you hold out; for in due tune ye shall reap, if ye faint not. The crown is before you, and it is an incorruptible one; so run that you may obtain it. Some there be that set out for this crown, and after that have gone far for it, another comes in and takes it from them: hold fast, therefore, that you have; let no man take your crown. You are not yet out of the gun-shot of the devil; you have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. Let the kingdom be always before you, and believe steadfastly concerning things that are invisible. Let nothing that is on this side the other world get within you. And, above all, look well to your own hearts and to the lusts thereof; for they are deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Set your faces like a flint; you have all power in heaven and earth on your side.

-Evangelist in The Pilgrim's Progress (John Bunyan)

organised a gathering for the choir people last sunday. there were about 16 of us at my condo's function room that night. i had some help from siewying, hewlett and cherie with our mexican dinner! glad that it didn't turn out too bad. felt like we were feeding the 5000 with two loaves and five fishes when the food seem to be running out fast at the beginning of the gathering...thankfully, we had popcorn, chocolate and marble cake for after-dinner treats. the last time we met was during my 21st birthday. it was good to see everyone again after so long.

we sat around a square made by placing two tables next to each other. the guys, as chatty as before, sat on one side of the tables, and the girls caught up with one another on the other side. i sat and looked around for a while as everyone was engaged in their conversations. it has always been so easy for us to warm up to each other...as we finished up dinner and started on the snacks, we took turns to share about what we have been doing and what we will be doing in the coming months. somehow the sharing just flowed naturally, we asked the person who was sharing questions, some talked about what they have learnt from their jobs or an activity or making some decisions in life. the guys cracked jokes in between, but we were listening and paying attention to one another and all. it was a really enjoyable time. after that round, i returned the yellow cards which each choir member wrote their hopes for choir in 2007. it was meant to be given out in 2008 at the end of our choir term! to think i've kept them with me till now...! we went one round the group again, reflecting upon our time in choir and after that...i don't think we've had a session like this before and we hardly take turns to share in our past gatherings. so it felt really special (:

the hwa chong choir experience is something incomparable. most of us had given our school life to choir, our time, our hearts, our tears. the feelings are unspoken, but you know somehow everyone feels the same way. i hadn't spent a lot of time serving in church during my two years in jc. looking back, i don't think i regret it. i found my place for those two years among a group of good and faithful people. i did learn so much about singing, about working in a committee, about friendships, about God. knowing that my time with the choir has been fruitful and meaningful, unforgettable and enjoyable, i guess, it's easier to let go of it when God calls me to serve in other places now. we all have our own paths to walk now, we may not be physically meeting as often in the future, however i believe the relationships are still held together the same spirit. it's okay if someone is busier, it's okay if someone goes away for a few years, it's okay if someone is not singing in a choir anymore (i'm sure the old flame will come back to find us one day. haha), because there's always that special spot that we can come back to, to laugh at the same things or people, to talk about the same events, to sing the same songs...i may sound idealistic, but i'll hang on to that thought for as long as i'll believe in singing (:

i think my term as welfare RM, will continue to run...no doubt about that (:

A sharing on my 2:7 page:

"Recently God has been teaching me about trusting Him to be my All in all. Been reading the last few chapters of Crazy Love and a bit of the Pilgrim's Progress, hearing sharings from people here and there, while praying about how to spend my time during the holidays/looking for work etc. I wanted to look for work because I have been spending a lot over the past month since the holidays started and honestly, I was getting concerned about my bank account ahaha. But somehow God is trying to change my perspective of things and to know what it means to truly depend on God. We are so used to how the world functions, because we live in this world. But we ought to see things in the Kingdom's perspective. I know that life is so much more that what it can be now, but how much am I really living that out? I realised I was too caught up in wanting to earn money rather than spending my time well for God. Was I really honouring God in my time, or was I rather serving mammon? Well, I am still here, without work, and an idea came into my head a few days back: why not do some volunteering work over the next two months? Even though it has been one whole month of holiday already, somehow my time has been pretty well filled up - meeting friends, spending time with God in the morning, celebrating birthdays, serving in many areas - this is Life in Jesus Christ, to live and spend time with the people He loves (thats everybody) and to serve Him. Like JQ mention: to give our all to God and leave the outcome to Him. I wouldn't say I have been able to fully grasp it yet and decide whether to do volunteering work in the next two months, but I know God has tons to teach me."

on the same day i wrote this, i got a small job opportunity. i wasn't sure what it entailed except what was described on the phone. so i went down in the afternoon for the presentation and short training. it sounded good, i deliberated for a while and eventually signed up for it. the moment i signed the papers and handed in to the person, there was this unrest. though i managed to ask a number of questions to clarify certain procedures, my heart was still unsettled. i'm not sure what this means, could it be something that i wasn't supposed to do or had i shifted my focus to the wrong place again? i couldn't concentrate during prayer that night, even though i was listening to the prayers. i wanted to pray. i didn't want to pray. how quick the mind flutters away from Him, how quick my mind flutters away from Him. my unrest consumes my attention most of the time and i dislike it when that happens.

thus, time to seek God.

Lord, i need to hear Your voice constantly, i need clarity.

readalittlepoetry.wordpress.com

quoted in the writer's about section: "A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

went to kids club to help out a bit yesterday. expected the kids to behave the way they do, not sitting still, some noisy, some playful and being really enthusiastic in the things that they do. one of the little boys was misbehaving, disrupting the lessons a little, so an adult pulled him aside to talk to him. he came back to his seat, quiet and unsmiling, unlike what he was 5 minutes ago. somehow, i found myself sitting next to him. i asked him some questions, hoping that they'll be encouraging and give him some attention. he responded with nods at the beginning but started to ignore me when he was not being chosen to answer the questions asked by the teacher in front after raising his hands a few times. after the lesson ended, he ran to the front towards the snacks with the rest of the kids and soon was talking and smiling again. some thoughts ran through my mind. i haven't really had a lot of chance talking to kids, so i always felt that i had an issue interacting with them or was unsure how to react to them. then again, it does take some for some children to warm up to you and i could be thinking too much about it anyway... towards the end of the whole session, i got to talk to some of the little girls, perhaps because they were girls, it was easier to talk to them and easier to have them being comfortable with my arm around their shoulders. chatted with ms and c a little before i left. i'm glad joined them, helping and seeing the children and knowing at least i got to connect with some of the them.

it took me awhile to fall asleep last night. i was thinking of some things and started thinking about the children i met that afternoon. then, this conclusion came to me: that it's not easy to love someone who doesn't treat you the way you want or expect them to or someone who rejects/ignores you (like the little boy). and it always seems easier to love somebody who accepts you readily (like the little girls). But i guess, nevertheless, love shouldn't be different in either scenarios. Christ came to die for us and He was rejected and humiliated by the world. Yet His love for us never changed and never changes. Still abundant, still flowing. With this thought in mind, we ought to love the more 'difficult' people, people who seemingly reject you, with the same measure of love as or even more than those who love us back.

"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?" Matthew 5:43-47

A brother once mentioned that we should love the people (in that particular case it was a group we were reaching out to), love them, sincerely and honestly, until they ask why. It'll only be a matter of time before Christ will show Himself to them through us, if we allow Him to, with that constantly open channel of love.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 29:11,12

God's time above

the heart's desires.

thank You, Jesus!! (:

pour out the ocean within, Lord

and occupy my heart.